What Is The "Self"?
You can think of the “self” as your core or inmost self. It is part of you that is not a part. When all parts of you relax and are willing to give you some time and space, your inmost self naturally shines. A metaphor may be useful here. We can think of your inmost self as the sun and parts as clouds. The sun is always there and shines just as bright. However, there are times when clouds block the sun. When the clouds move, then the warmth of the sun can be felt and we can better perceive the impact of its light. The inmost self is always present, but parts can block the “self,” which is known as blending.
Blending occurs when a part “takes over.” For example, think of the last time you felt intense anxiety (or any other emotion) and another time when you felt intense anger. You will notice two distinct ways of thinking and behaving. When parts take over, our minds and bodies are influenced, and we can act in ways that seem irrational, shameful, confusing…etc. Parts decide to take over when they feel they have to do so to protect you from more painful feelings. You can learn about the protective role of parts by reading my blog entitled Different Types of Parts.
Unblending is the process of helping parts give you some time and space. In other words, it is asking the clouds if they have give the sun some more room. Some parts need to be heard before they feel comfortable taking a step back, while others just want to be noticed and will readily relax. The more you unblend, the more “in self” you will be. The more “in self” you are, the more you can help and heal your parts.
What does it mean to be “in self?” Certain characteristics about our inmost self are evident in all people. The “8 C’s” characterize the inmost self and are the following: Curious, calm, connected, compassionate, clear, creative, confident, and courageous. The more you feel these 8C’s toward a part of you, the more “in self” you are. The more in self you are, the better you can get to know and heal your parts. It is important to note that being “in self” is not all or nothing. Having sufficient self is enough for working with parts.
The next time you are feeling relatively relaxed, see if you can tune in and ask parts, one by one, if they would be willing to give you some space and time. Once you feel in contact with your inmost self, see if you can expand it throughout your body. Then, strengthen it until it cannot be strengthened further. Play around with this and see if you can pray from your inmost self. This practice can be helpful for a Catholic’s journey in the spiritual life. Have fun!
