Getting To Know A Part
Before getting to know your parts, it is important to understand that all of your parts are good. Let me explain. Internal Family Systems theory states that we were all born with numerous parts. Through different experiences, certain parts take on particular roles. For instance, a person develops an inner critic that speaks harshly after underperformance. The part speaks harshly because it tries to help the person to perform well. The part may want you to perform well to gain some form of love and admiration from others while also avoid feeling unlovable and alone, for example. Although the inner critic seems like a “bad part” since it speaks harshly, its good intention is for the person to feel loved and avoid emotional pain. Although it may not be the optimal strategy, the fact still remains that the part intends your good. When we get to know parts, we can get to know their good intentions.
Inner critics are protectors since they protect from emotional pain such as aloneness, which is also a part. Aloneness is an exile, and exiles are wounded parts that hold emotional pain. Exiles are also good even though they may not feel good to you when they are active. However, once exiles are unburdened their goodness is evident. As you begin getting to know parts, try sticking with protectors rather than exiles. My blog entitled Different Types of Parts delves deeper into our different parts.
Play around with getting to know a part of yourself and its good intention. Curiosity is key. Take some time in a quiet place to slow down and listen. Notice which parts come up and in which area of your body you notice them. If you feel a part in two areas (e.g., in your head and your chest) you are likely sensing two different parts. Take some time to distinguish among parts by focusing on the areas of your body where you notice them. Then, pay attention to the part that is calling for your attention most, if it feels okay, and invite that part to let you know about itself and what it is currently experiencing. You can invite the part with curiosity to tell you about itself by stating, “What you are experiencing right now.” You can also ask, “What do you want for me,” “What is your good intention for me,” or “How are you trying to help me?” Allow yourself to be creative and intuitive. Without forcing it, feel free to invite God or any saints as you get to know parts. Engage with your parts in whatever way feels just right to you.
If you are having difficulty getting to know a part, check to see how you are feeling toward the part. If you have any negative feelings toward a part, those negative feelings belong to another part. Pay attention to the part that has negative feelings and ask if it is willing to give you space and time. If it does not want to, hear it out and ask what fears it has. Address those fears. After you get the sense that the part feels heard, ask the part for time and space again. If the part is still reluctant, then it would be best to focus on that part instead of the part you started off with. It may be beneficial to draw the reluctant part in order to get some psychological space from it. If you choose to draw a part, try not to think about how to draw it. A thinking part of you may be trying to think of how to draw it. Just draw whatever feels right. As an aside, feel free to draw any parts you would like to. Speak to your Catholic IFS therapist if you run into any struggles.
If all parts give time and space, then you may notice feeling some of the 8C’s toward the part. If you are feeling some of the 8C’s, then you are at least partially “in self” and will be able to interact with parts in a manner conducive to healing. May God be with you.
